I've seen a lot of negativity lately, and it's saddening to
see. The bickering, the backstabbing, the horrible words. The news stories that
seem to never stop. The facebook posts. The twitter tweets. The blog posts. They
are never ending.
I've even had a hand in it, not realizing until my husband
said something to me that I had begun to become hateful with my own words. I
was angry in the beginning. How dare he question my right to share my opinion
with him. He's my husband, my best friend, and confidant. He has to listen.
And then I realized I wasn't sharing. I was bullying. No one
might have been able to hear except my husband and myself, but the words had
been spoken. I was doing the exact same thing I was so angry that someone else
was doing.
Shame on me.
What right do I have to verbalize my disgust at what someone
else does, when I do it in the same manner I was so disgusted with? I shouted
and snarled, standing on my high horse as I complained about "How dare
they..."
Shame on me.
My heart is heavy as I flicker past facebook posts that
sadden me or anger me, pretending they don't exist if I don't read them. I'm
safe in my bubble.
Shame on me.
I see the news stories of hatred and sorrow. I feel sadness
for those who have felt loss and those who are angry, but then I change the
channel to something else, something not so sad.
Shame on me.
I tell myself I've done my part. I've brought my children up
right. I've taught them love and acceptance. I've written about love and acceptance
in every book I've published. I've donated money and books. I've written
letters. I've signed petitions. I've done what I could. I've done enough.
Shame on me.
Enough will never be enough until I take responsibility for
myself. So, today, I do just that. I apologize to those I may have offended by
speaking my mind and those I offended by keeping my thoughts to myself. I
apologize for finding fault in your words, and using those same words to hold
you responsible. I apologize for insisting my way is the right way, without
being willing to listen to your way. I apologize for looking the other way.
I can't promise to be perfect. No one is. But I can promise
to try. I will listen better. I will be willing to accept that my opinion is
not the only one out there. I will accept that my opinion might not be right. I
will not use harsh words. I will not use hateful words. I will not use words
intended to hurt. I will use words that open good and honest dialogue of our
differences and opposing opinions. And I will be understanding if we never find
common ground.
I accept the things that I have the ability to change, and
that's me and only me, and if I start with me, I can change the world.
