SHAME ON ME

I've seen a lot of negativity lately, and it's saddening to see. The bickering, the backstabbing, the horrible words. The news stories that seem to never stop. The facebook posts. The twitter tweets. The blog posts. They are never ending.

I've even had a hand in it, not realizing until my husband said something to me that I had begun to become hateful with my own words. I was angry in the beginning. How dare he question my right to share my opinion with him. He's my husband, my best friend, and confidant. He has to listen.

And then I realized I wasn't sharing. I was bullying. No one might have been able to hear except my husband and myself, but the words had been spoken. I was doing the exact same thing I was so angry that someone else was doing.

Shame on me.

What right do I have to verbalize my disgust at what someone else does, when I do it in the same manner I was so disgusted with? I shouted and snarled, standing on my high horse as I complained about "How dare they..."

Shame on me.

My heart is heavy as I flicker past facebook posts that sadden me or anger me, pretending they don't exist if I don't read them. I'm safe in my bubble.

Shame on me.

I see the news stories of hatred and sorrow. I feel sadness for those who have felt loss and those who are angry, but then I change the channel to something else, something not so sad.

Shame on me.

I tell myself I've done my part. I've brought my children up right. I've taught them love and acceptance. I've written about love and acceptance in every book I've published. I've donated money and books. I've written letters. I've signed petitions. I've done what I could. I've done enough.

Shame on me.

Enough will never be enough until I take responsibility for myself. So, today, I do just that. I apologize to those I may have offended by speaking my mind and those I offended by keeping my thoughts to myself. I apologize for finding fault in your words, and using those same words to hold you responsible. I apologize for insisting my way is the right way, without being willing to listen to your way. I apologize for looking the other way.

I can't promise to be perfect. No one is. But I can promise to try. I will listen better. I will be willing to accept that my opinion is not the only one out there. I will accept that my opinion might not be right. I will not use harsh words. I will not use hateful words. I will not use words intended to hurt. I will use words that open good and honest dialogue of our differences and opposing opinions. And I will be understanding if we never find common ground.

I accept the things that I have the ability to change, and that's me and only me, and if I start with me, I can change the world.